When Cat Met Skulduggery
by impossible hazelnut
Summary: Written around randomly selected quotes from both books, this is about when Cat met Skulduggery. I don't know how many people have actually read both these books though... Please review!
1. Cat

**I thought I heard voices.** I turned to see the door to the meeting hall that Frank had just gone into. I followed him in and sat down in between him and Jim. I turned to Frank.

"Where's Syd?" I asked.

"He couldn't make it, his father needed him at the shop. His representative's here for him."

**As the meeting got under way, I looked around for Syd's representative, but I could not see anyone I recognised,** apart from Frank, Jim, the Duke and Duchess. As I looked around I saw a tall, thin stranger standing by the door to the Ballroom. Just as I was about to ask Frank where Syd's representative was, and who the man was, there was a loud crash from the door, as J-F bounded in! He made his way to the head of the table and bowed to the Duke and Duchess. He then took the Duchess's hand and kissed it. It was like he owned the room.

"Good afternoon your grace!" he said.

**I was astonished: this seemed a very sentimental gesture for the thief king.** J-F made his way over to me.

"Hello there Cat!" He grinned at me.

"J-F! What are you doing here?" I asked as I threw my arms around him.

"I had to get away from Billy Shepherd**! Or he'd tell Barton I'd been stealing again, and my heels will be swinging in the wind.**"

**Jim patted my hand.** He tilted his head towards the door**. A party of the watch passed us at a run, heading for the Ballroom.** I watched as they piled their way in. I noticed as the last one had gone in, that the stranger had disappeared.


	2. Skulduggery

Obviously being the nosey person I am, I couldn't help but grab Frank's arm and drag him with me to the Ballroom.

"What's all this for?" I asked Frank as we watched a fight being broken up by the party of the watch and a few Bow Street Runners.

A voice then said from behind us, **"Sometimes, if the situation arises, special requirements are catered for." **

I spun round to see the man I had seen outside the door. He spoke oddly, a bit like Bridget. I came to the conclusion that he was Irish. It wasn't just his accent thought, it was the way he spoke, even Frank didn't speak _that_ formally, and he's the Earl of Arden!

"I think we should leave now." He said. As I got a better look at him, I realised you couldn't see any of his face. It was covered by his thick scarf and his hat, which he was wearing very low; I was surprised he could see.

The fight seemed to be getting worse with all the security joining in, so I decided to follow the man. I had no idea who he was or if I could even trust him but we needed to get out of there and he couldn't have been that much of a weirdo. Or so I thought…

As the man and I headed out of the door I felt my arm being pulled back, I turned round to see Frank holding me.

"Where are you going?" Frank asked me.

"Following him." I said pointing at the door.

"Why?" Frank exclaimed.

"I need to find out who he is." I answered, pulling away from Frank.

"If you say so," Frank said, letting go of my arm.

"What! You're going to give up _that _easily?" I asked, astonished.

"Cat Royal, I think I would have learnt by now that I'm not going to win any arguments with you!" He replied smiling. I smiled back.

I turned back to the doorway to see the man waiting for us.

"So are you two coming or not?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

We headed out of the main door to where some people were still fighting, outside. Frank and I followed the man down an alleyway that I remembered lead down to Covent Garden. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was spun round and was then lifted off the floor by a large man with a black eye. He had grabbed the scruff of my neck and I was now hanging in mid-air by his fist. I started to kick him, which I then realised was a very bad decision as he tightened his grip, choking me.

I heard a shrill scream from behind me, which for a moment I thought might have been Frank. I heard another, but this time it was from my attacker. He dropped me on the floor and ran off screaming.

"Yeah!" I said "Shows you not to mess with Cat Royal!"

I then turned around to see the real reason they had run off. In the place of the mysterious stranger there was a tall, bony, creature which I could not mistake for anything other than a skeleton. But the scariest thing was that, he wasn't a pile of bones on the floor. He was still alive! Frank got up off the floor then promptly fainted again as he saw the Skeleton-man.

"Wh-who are you?" I stuttered.

I later found out his name was Skulduggery Pleasant. He explained his situation to us over a cup of tea at Frank's house, after Frank had fully recovered. I also found out that he was a detective and that he had been dead for around 80 years.

"Aren't you a bit old to be a detective?" Frank asked, confused.

**"As it turns out," Skulduggery said after a moment's consideration, "I am still pretty confident."**

Frank still seemed surprised to be talking to a skeleton. Weirdly, I wasn't, **which was surprising, given what had happened to me earlier that day. **

"Have my parents even arrived yet? Maybe we should go back and look for them…" said Frank.

"Are you joking?! After what just happened? You might faint again!" I joked.

"_That _was _his _fault!" Frank exclaimed, pointing at Skulduggery.

"That's not fair! It's not _my _fault I'm a skeleton!" Skulduggery said, defensively.

Just as Frank was about to retort, I quickly butted in.

"Stop it you two. Come on! We'll go and find them!" I said, standing up.

Skulduggery put on his disguise and we headed out.

As we headed back down the alleyway we were stopped by more fighters. I was again lifted up by my collar. I struggled and kicked. Skulduggery knew he couldn't play the skeleton trick again because then too many people would know and possibly come after him. I was unsure what to do, so I did the first thing I could think of.

"Petticoat!" I shouted.

**You see, if they think I've been driven mad, they will struggle to predict my actions.**

"What?" The man asked puzzled.

"WHAT?" Frank yelled.

"Fish Monger!" shouted Skulduggery. He seemed to be catching onto my plan.

"Book binders!" I said.

"Feather dusters!"

"Board Games!"

"Frizzle Frazzle!" Frank joined in. Now he was getting it!

"Jewellery! Candles! Dribble-drabble!" Skulduggery laughed.

"Cake! Butcher! Hair brush!" I cheered.

"Breeches! Chandeliers! Pandemonium!" Frank cried.

We started to laugh. The men looked confused.

**"Are they sick?"** asked one.

"Maybe we should go - they could be contagious!" cried the other.

They ran off. And as they did so we couldn't help but laugh. Skulduggery and Frank bowed to me. **Skulduggery put his hat on.**

**"That's my girl!"** He said.

"Great thinking Cat!" Frank laughed. "You were brilliant!"

"You weren't so bad yourself, Mr_ Frizzle Frazzle_!"

**Thank you, Raychaell Dionzeros, for reading this and being my first _ever _reviewer!**

**Impossible Hazelnut **


	3. Cat again

Skulduggery burst down the door to the ballroom, I mean actually_ burst_ – into flames! – from his hand…! I heard someone cry out from behind me, words too rude to repeat!

**"Shut up, Meatpie!" I heard someone hiss. "She'll 'ear you!" **

"Who will I '_ear_?"

Where had I heard that name before? Meatpie? I thought back to my childhood in the streets of London. Of course! Billy Shepherd! Meatpie was part of his gang! I looked around the empty ballroom and spotted Billy, Meatpie and another man – Poxface, I think his name was – standing in a far corner.

"Where are my parents?" cried Frank "We've looked everywhere – in here, the meeting room, the kitchens… and even the bathrooms!" He added in an undertone. I stormed over to Billy, fuming.

"You did this, didn't you Boil!"

"Wha' did I do? I've done a lot of fings bu' at least 'elp narrow it down!"

"You kidnapped Frank's parents!"

"Wot – the dook and duchess?" he laughed "I may be good Cat, but I ain't that good!" He paused, "It's _your _fault! You shouldn' 've run off after that there man!"

I realised he was talking truth. I turned to Frank.

**"I'm sorry! It's all my fault!" I groaned.**

"Of course it wasn't, Cat – it was obviously the Boil!" Frank protested, pointing at Billy, clearly frustrated.

"Don' point your filthy noble fingers a' me! Meatpie, Poxface grab 'em! I'll 'andle the other one!" I felt Meatpie's clammy hands close upon my wrist. **The thought crossed my mind that, for the moment, I only had him to deal with: I should run for it if I knew my own best interests.** I looked directly at Skulduggery and winked, he must have noticed because he nodded slowly, but stopped when his hat nearly fell off. He quickly grabbed it because, if it did fall off, our plan would be ruined.

With that, I twisted my hands out of Meatpie's grip and ran for it. I didn't know if the others had followed, but I damn well hoped they had. They must have because I heard Frank squealing in pain like a piglet who's tail had caught fire.

**"You kiss like a maiden aunt…"** Billy shouted after me, obviously trying to distract me. I didn't fall for it.

"You kiss like a mule that's been fed on onions and garlic your whole life and has never been washed!" I yelled over my shoulder. We rounded a corner and Skulduggery called to me:

"Where are we running to?"

**"Mr Garrick's theatre – London – Drury Lane."** I called back. We continued to sprint down the cold, deserted alleyway, until I saw the familiar turning to Dury Lane. Once there we greeted the doorman, Mathew, who had taken over from the former doorman, Celeb, and headed up the stairs to where the sparrows nest should have been. Of course, it wasn't there – this was a different theatre after all. I slumped against the wall, depressed.

"I say we should go back and look more – I'm sure that Bill is gone now!" Skulduggery proposed.

"It's Bill_y_!" I said.

"Why do you care?" asked Frank, looking puzzled.

"Because Bill Boil doesn't sound the same!" I protested.

"I still say it doesn't matter!"

**"And I say you're wrong about this!"**

**I don't know who I like best... so it's good to have a story about them both at last! Hope you liked it - one more part to go!**


	4. More Skulduggery (last chapter!)

"Even if we did go back" said Frank "How would we find them? What do we have on our side?"

**"Magic" he said.**

"What? Are you magic?" asked Frank, sceptically.

**"****_No_****" Skulduggery said**, sarcastically "because I'm _not _a living skeleton who can conjure fire, am I? _Of course not!_" Frank looked sheepish. Suddenly we heard footsteps and I saw Mathew round the corner. I didn't notice the note until he stuck it into Frank's face. He accepted it and Mathew stalked off. He had never been as friendly as Celeb.

Frank read the letter, a look of utter horror passing over his face.

"Frank?" I said, my voice trembling for the first time that I can remember "Frank? Frank? What is it?" He showed me the piece of paper. It was written in a scribble. It said:

I have your parents. I will only give them back if you give me one hundred pounds. Bring the money to the Ballroom before Wednesday evening. I will only give Syd back if Cat brings the money.

Your precious Boll

"Boll?" I wondered aloud.

"I assume it means Boil." Said Skulduggery

"Wednesday?" I exclaimed "That's only two days away!"

"What? How will we get the money that quickly?" Skulduggery sounded worried.

"He _is_ the Earl of Arden, you know!" I said. Frank was still in shock from the look on his face.

"I suppose I could give him the money." I said.

"Quick! To the bank!" said Frank coming out of his shock.

There was no queue at the bank; it seemed the fights had scared everyone off. Frank rushed to the counter.

"I need one hundred pounds!" Frank almost shouted "It's for my parents! They've been –"

**"Don't listen to him." Skulduggery warned** Frank with a glare. At least, I assume it was a glare, but it's hard to tell when someone has no eyes. "It's just that we really do need those hundred pounds out of the Avon's account…" he leant on the counter as he said this, tilting his head a little in a very dashing way.

"Sorry, sir, but Francis here is too young. But if someone like _you _wanted the money, that would be fine." Said the pretty girl behind the counter "Are you connected to the Avons in any way?"

"Yes. I'm their solicitor." Said Skulduggery, sounding as if it was perfectly true. The girl handed a reasonably large bag of money and Skulduggery thanked her courteously.

"What was _that _all about?" Frank asked as soon as we were outside.

"It was the only way I could get her to give us the money." Skulduggery explained.

"It was _not _the only way!" exclaimed Frank "There are other ways than flirting with random girls, you know!"

"I wasn't flirting – I was _helping_!" We continued to bicker until we reached the ballroom. We found 'Our precious Bol' exactly where we had left him. He was evidently expecting us.

"Here's the money, Billy!" I said, shoving it in his face. "Now where are they?" Billy clicked his fingers and two members of his gang, who I will now refer to as Rat-Features and Elephant, dragging the duke and duchess after them. Rat-Features seemed to be very irritated, I guessed it was as the duchess was jabbering at him and probably had been since the moment of her capture.

"What about Syd?" I asked.

"Ah, Moggey, there was a li'le somethin' I missed ou' of the note. I ain't givin' 'im back unless you marry me." I stared at him, dumfounded. "I'll give you a moment to discuss it." Frank, Skulduggery and I backed into a corner.

"You're not really going to marry him, are you, Cat?" Frank looked worried.

"I don't know…."

**"Of course you are." Skulduggery said happily**, tilting his head as if to wink because, obviously, being a skeleton, he has no eyes. I left the huddle and turned back to Billy.

"Fine" I said, through gritted teeth "On one condition. I get to call you whatever I want! Bol!"

Billy hesitated, probably wandering what I meant. "Of course, but that counts for me too, kitten!" He held out his grimy hand for me to shake. With regret, I took it.

For the next week I badgered Billy about every single detail I could think of, from the colour of flowers to whether I should have my hair up or down.

"So, my _darling dearest _Boil – do you think I should wear it up or down? I mean, if I wear it up, you can see my eyes better, but if I have it down, it looks nicer with the flowers I'm going to put in my hair, should I bother with the flowers in my hair, because I can't really wear them if my hair's up… Maybe I should wear it half up, half down?" I gave a girlish giggle. "Also do you think I should wear a white dress or a light green one? Because, the green one costs a bit more, but it looks better with my eyes and hair, that is, if I wear it up, but then I can't wear the flowers…"

"Shut up!" shouted Billy suddenly **"Could you stop talking for a moment?** Do you _ever _stop talkin'?"

"No!" I said, batting my eyelashes "You should have known what you were signing yourself up for when you blackmailed me into this 'marriage'! You should have known that it would be like this every day for the rest of your life! Anyway, back to dresses…"

Billy jumped up out of his chair "I can' 'andle it! You're worse than when you had malaria and wouldn't stop rhyming!"

"Oh, yeah! How did it go again? You're so silly, Billy! Hawkins, Forkins, Por-"

"SHUT UT!" he shouted irritably, like the next thing I said would make him explode "forge' it! The engagement's off! Jus' ge' ou'! You can have your precious Syd back! Jus' get ou' of my damn house before you drive me any furver up the blinkin' wall!"

I immediately dropped the flowers and ran outside, laughing with joy. As soon as I got outside the door I shouted,

"Ye-es! Ye-es! Yes!"

I started to skip down the corridor, hearing Billy groaning from his parlour. I must have given him one heck of a headache. That thought made me feel very pleased with myself.

I opened the door to the Avons tea room to see Frank, Skulduggery, the Duke, Duchess and Syd smiling at me. At least, I think Skulduggery was smiling. He probably was.

**There's the last bit! I hope you liked it. I wrote this story with a friend of mine a while ago, and I'm glad somebody else can enjoy it now! Thank you loads for reading!**


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